(:

"i love you also means i love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, i love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, i love you in a way that i love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else."

Ok I got this from FLB & this is exactly how I feel. You'll never understand. And all th time before I sleep, I lay in bed, and think about what we once shared.

1. Th spooky shitz, th time when we just sat together on my bed watching ghost vids, and one just popped out at us and I shrieked and teared, you wiped away my tears for me... :)

2. Our first few shy kisses(haha). You were shy but just took initiative th whole time, dived in but I backed away quick! hahaha. Finally lost to you coz you cornered my head while we were sitting down..... :) oh damnnnnnnn.

3. Th first time you stayed over at my house, but had to sleep in separate rooms coz of conservative parentz. Hahahaha. Once they left for work&shut th heavy front door, I just went over to your room and jumped into your arms. But we went back to my coldcold room to sleep&snuggle in bed together :)

4. This day I woke up to numerous annoying callz on my hp and simply ignored them thinking that they'd stop. But they didn't. You called me 30+ times on my hp&house phone to get me to wake up with a few text msgs too. Turns out you were at my doorstep @ 7.10am to surprise me&too to make up for sth (; that was so sweettttttt.

5. You wanted me to change my fb name to Rachel Broke Bells to show our relationship. Hahaha. That was cool.

6. Our first date to OCH. We went there on a long bus ride as 2 friends-almost-lovers people, came back already lying on each other's shoulder/head on th ride :) so nice. Remember th gay dude we met @ cheers?

7. Remember th BBP? One song played everytime we talked? Our "little secret"? And kiss me thru th phone? Haha. All etched into my mind k. There are so much more, but these few are what's most memorable to me.

Maybe I'll update on those. I wna keep a list of what I rmb. And it's not that I have to, but it's more of a "Want" to thing. I want to keep it as a memory. And I'm not a dumbfoolishfuck for doing it k.

If need be.

I got so used to him not replying, texting, calling or rather just conversing with me that now I don't even have a clue on how to reply. How?

Left school early ytd, it bore me, I was tired&I did have a headache. A fucky one at that. I couldn't get myself to go to school today either. All I can think about is you, awfully true. Fuckthisshit srsly. Like you give a damn. -.-

Ciao.

HI ALL. K, it's 5:25am and I have been awake all nighttttttttt. That's not good at all. Nope, it isn't. School's in 2 hours and I don't feel happy :/ Hope school helps me get my life back on track, since I can't do so. Ciao.

Good morning!

5:08am and I'm still up&not one bit tired :/ seeeeeeeeeee, Rachel so screwed nowz :( sleep in th morning and wake up around evening? Not even my usual 12 hours of lazy sleep! Ra.

And I know many people who are dreading th arrival of sept 24th, but not me! :) :) I'M GNA GET MY FUCKN DESERVED 400 DAWLUHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ YAYAY^^ oh goshhhhhhh i cannot waitwaitwait! hehehehe.

Oh and those of you who knows about my plan of celebrating my sweet 16? I tmay be changed, like th venue or wtv, COZ I JUST WNA SPEND MY MONEY ON OTHER STUFFZ <: hehehehehehhee. Thinking about it just make me soooooo elated {: SRSLY.CANT.WAIT.

Oops, I did it again.

Alright so, I did it once again. But today was pretty nice I'd say <: met Balqis&Serene @ cine & we watched I Love You Beth Cooper & Coco Before Chanel. I LOVE FRENCH. hehe. okkkk. So after everything we walked around & all ended up at F.E.P, I think at 9? Yeah, they helped me forget "someone".

They had to leave but th night was still young for me so I called Vc out {: she accompanied me! And it was mighty awesome coz I met new people & they tried to teach me how to fuck "someone" off, and other stuffz too. Haha it was fun! Chilled till 11+ .

Met Kenneth& a new guy, Lavis and we chilled for awhile. Ahaha this 2 guys are fucking funny, they made me laugh and all, also helped me try to forget "someone" {: nize ppl are like dat c? <: Left at 1+ and this 2 sweeties sent me home :) :) :) THANK YOU! hehehehe. fucking nice people we have these days.

Btw, today I saw like 3 calafares, 2 "popular" girls, met up with "old" friends and met new friends! <: today is a good day y'allllllllllllllllllllllll!

Maybe I should get a LJ like everyone says. We'll see.

fuckthisshit_l_

It's been awhile. And for awhile, things have changed.

He broke me, We broke up, I broke down & I broke my biggest promise ever. :/

It's just one of those days where you can't take anymore shit&gotta let loose you know? Anyway, for those who know me, I'll lose my focus&will to study or concentrate on anything when sth fucked up fucks me up, this really takes great effect on me especially when testz are round th corner.

Well, this is who I am, I'm still trying my best to spin myself right back around before I regret once again. This really hurts me. It sucks enough to see others feel th way I do(J), sucks hardcore when it happens to me. Even worse knowing who does it to me. Ha, fuckthisshit.

P.S: So what if it hurts you? It's fucking killing me.

(I WAS HOLDING ONTO A CLIP WITH MY LIPS)

FLEAAAAAAAAAA HEEHEEHEE. Omg. I find happiness in splurging at fleas^^ buying fuckn awesome stuffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz yayayayayay. Wanted to buy shirts for you babe but they were all exxxxxx :/ soz.

Oh god, I saved money too! :) hehehehehe super happy. I'm looking forward to th next splurgeflea:) wheeeeee! haha. BTW. Some people know that I've got a list of fancyful shitz that I want to get, and after today, I cancelled 3 of my list. ISN'T THAT GREAT? :D

Ok anyway, I got like 4 blisters again, boo me. And met up with couz at night, love them as much as I love van, xh, dor^^

Waiting for someone's call, don't think it's coming so, g'nighttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

Big Lesson. You, liar. I, naive.

1st, 2nd, 3rd.

Days go by slowly, it sucks, whatmore th process is horrible. What's happening is utter bull. I've never thought that we'd end up like this, never. You aren't thinking right at all! Or else, you won't be like that, no one ever will. Ugh, wtf.

Anyway, in this past month, I've learnt a lot about you. Even though we've not met for 3 weeks(which apparantly, doesn't bother you a bit). Ha. 3 weeks, still able to celebrate our "being together"? It's close to a month. Might as well not.

I've been feeling rather tired and worn out lately, I don't know why. I've been crying, yes I have and headaches are killing meeeee. :/ fuck, I don't want this to happen again, it's either it gets settled or......... WHATEVER.

400 bucks for free is good enough for me right now. Ciao.